Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Secuirty Threat My Ass

I've always wanted to maintain a certain level of decorum to my posts. Not this time. I am typing things as I feel it. On April 16th 2010, Parvathi Ammal 79 year old mother of Velupillai Prabakaram was not allowed into India. She had a valid Visa to come to India given by Indian embassy officials in Malaysia. The immigration officials cited security reasons for not allowing her into this country. She was stopped in the plane, possibly harassed and sent back to Malaysia in the same plane. Justice in this case was swift. Lets recollect the reason again.


What in the name of hell do these people think. A 79 year old, sick woman with a valid visa for treatment was not allowed into this great nation because her presence would cause law and order problem. Alright. Lets get some perspective here.

One of India's or should I say, Indian Government's darling is Mahinda Rajapaksa; A.K.A Caligula Lite. Lets take a look at his remarkable achievements here.

Amnesty International, one of the leading defender of human rights is banned in Srilanka. One of the very few nations to ban them

The last stages of the recent ethnic cleansing conducted by Srilankan government ended in millions of ethnic tamils being displaced, killed or even worse. Amensty International urged the United Nations to conduct immediate enquiry into these claims but those efforts were thwarted by Srilanka with allies such as YOUKNOWWHO and YOUKNOWWHOELSE

This "man" gets to go to Thirupathi thirumala on a whim, visit the cream of the ruling party and all.

But not an old lady for medical treatment.

There is a saying in Tamil.

பேய்கள் ஆட்சி செய்ய பிணம் தின்னும் சாத்திரங்கள்

How true it it.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Bullshitting your way to ISO Certification

ISO certification is one of the most sought after and prestigious certifications that is out there. Every organization worth its salt, will covet one. Of late, getting ISO certification seems to be pretty easy. You put in few hundred man hours and you are good to go. I call it bullshitting your way to ISO certification. So, what does these companies do to get their ISO certification ? Here is the gyan for all ISO aspirants. Here is a 5 step process to get easy ISO certification.

Salvage all operations manual (1 day)

This is the first step. Try and salvage every piece of operations guide that can be salvaged. Nothing is non-sense even if they don't make any sense. Get them all. get them now. Get them here.

Juice the managers (4 days)

Over work, over work and over work the managers. There won't be another chance to bully all the nincompoop's at the same time. They are the ones who need to make sense out of these operations manual and create new ones in line with ISO standards. By the end of the deadline, each manager must be ISO ready and ensure his/her team is ISO ready
PS::By ISO ready, we mean that the ISO aligned documents are ready (managers) and the team is informed of the location of these new documents and instructed to open only them during inspection.

Create Panic (2 days)

Spread the word. After two days, the workplace will be a bit short of Kurkshetra, everyone psyched up and throwing up

Leverage Network

Track the external auditors and use your network to get "friendly people on board

D Day

Give paid leave to weak links and if not leave, hide them in store room and restrooms. When the auditors arrive, take them out to a secluded office room and feed them with the documents there(you play your cards well, this will be a cake walk)

Last Word

ISO certification was started with a honourable vision. To improve quality of work. But the process is so abused, that it doesn't make sense anymore. So, don't bullshit your entry level employees with all the processes and protocols. Just get the damn thing done.